Bugs, Books, and Big Feelings

CarolineBryan

Tuning into movement and family.

My morning cleared up last minute… so I decided to take myself on a little morning date. Our town is really cute. It’s an older “Historical” suburban town. I grew up coming down here, it looked a little different back then, I’d eat at the old “Doc Brown’s” for lunch and ice-cream after my riding lessons every weekend. The old feed store was also in the town..and we usually killed 2 birds with one stone when we needed to. I can still smell the sweet feed and hay we used to get the horses. It was my favorite smell in the world.

Lately, though, I’ve been more of an antisocial butterfly . Early morning runs, family time, workouts and a little work… I’ve stayed steady in keeping that rythm the last couple of days. Choosing the things I can control in life right now. Things are crazy out there. I have all these big feelings about things and nowhere to place them. I feel so small in all of it. It makes me big mad!

I will say, on that note. Although running to stay sane is usually the motivation, said running has been kicking my ass lately. I tried waking up at 5am to make a 10 mile run (first double digit run)… and I don’t know if it was just the time of morning, or the time of year or what, but the amount of bugs I continued to wipe off my face and out of my mouth and eyelashes was distrubing. I just haven’t been in the top 1/3 this week. And I’m trying to listen to my body and not go too hard… *Bc Hell Yes, or Hell No..* sometimes I tend to over do it. I don’t want to burn out, so not hitting every PB or goal is slowly becoming Ok for me. Ocasionally.

So for my 10 mile run, (that never happened). That was a hard L for me. I woke up early, this was my first big run on the pavement, I usually run in our garage on my treadmill, I can watch TV it’s a whole thing for me so I can tune out and dissociate, lol. Road running makes it harder for me to dial in I guess… whatever, I was pumped and excited I was going to kill this run!

DISTURBING BUGS

ARTICLES — INCOMING.

Midges

Swarms

Living in Fl… I can do bugs-ish. I cannot however, do whatever plague of Midges that happens every year. I hate it. I HATE it! (Yes, more big feelings… at least I’m taking them out on the bugs), my garage is layered with a blanket of dead bugs, Our screen porch.. well, the lizards in our yard are not wanting for much. It’s repulsive, my son has taken on the task of vacuuming up the gym and cleaning the fence and screens, for a hefty fee… It literally makes me cringe thinking about that run – YUCK. I run to the car with my face wrapped in whatever just so I’m not inhaling them. It’s enough to make a girl want to stay a hermit. PHEW.

Tomorrow, after the sun rises, LONG RUN! (or maybe on my treadmill, I’m walking away with bug PTSD). JFo did suggest using my snorkel mask- lol. Could you imagine…. (No, but could you… in theory, it’s enticing.)

On a more positive note, it’s given me some more time with my Adam Grant book. “Think Again”. I’m almost done with this one. I love it. I feel like it is another one that everyone in the US (and probably the world) should read. Especially right now.

UNlearning to learn.

Grant talks about how real confidence isn’t always being certain, it’s about being open enough to admit when you don’t know, and curious enough to keep asking questions. He lays out how we fall into preaching (defending beliefs), prosecuting (attacking others), or politicking (trying to win approval). The better path is thinking like a scientist – asking questions, testing ideas, changing when the evidence shifts. I could connect that to my own habit of questioning things lately.

Unlearning is just as important as learning. The world changes so fast, the idea of holding on to such outdated beliefs isn’t a strength… it’s a weakness. That reminder feels timely. So much of unlearning something feels uncomfortable… I’ve been saying this all year, the growth is sitting in uncomfort. Being willing to rethink keeps you moving forward. Plus, that alone takes the pressure off being right all the time.

Right now it feels like everyone is shouting over eachother, trying to be “more right”, clinging to their side like it is the ONLY truth… It exhausting to witness. It’s exhausting to try and understand. It’s just exhausting to feel like such a small ripple in such a massive wake. There are so many decisions being made

However, Ripples still move the water, even small ones. So I think, being the loudest isn’t the goal. I’ll just be here – rethinking, relearning, questioning all of it.. because I hope that is what I am teaching my son to do. Question, learn and unlearn everything! Always! No one is going to have your back like your own self and at the end of the day, wisdom and empathy are where the real power lies.